Internet dating advice for boys…

Internet dating advice for boys…

Some of my online friends have been internet dating…I again want to say good luck with that. I have opted out of the internet dating scene due to bad choices and preferring to be single for the rest. of. my. life. rather than try it again…

But since I adore all you girls that are giving it a whirl, I thought I might try and help the boys out a little bit while filling in their profiles, so here is my advice boys…it’s good advice, take it…really.

All the examples I am using are from real life profiles … be afraid.

1. If you can’t spell, at least a little bit…you are going to be shit out of luck…

i hav worked very hard in my life,and hav my own autoboy shop to show for it,hav worked for every thing i hav.just want to be successful for my 2 boys !i am generous with a big heart just trying to find that special someone,lov to hav fun !also enjoy,quading with my oldest son,camping in our beat up old motorhome,fishing,watching hockey,football,mma,out for dinner or flashen up the barbeque and chillin at home !work hard play harder ! give me a shot ! cheers !

2. Do NOT hold a fish in your profile picture…we do NOT care that you can catch a fish, we live in BC, we can ALL catch fish dude…also, if you have a picture of you with a 70’s mustache or a snake around your neck…it isn’t attractive, just saying. All three in the same profile…terrifying.

3. If you have been on a dating site for more than 5 years consistently…change your profile, at least TRY and fool people into thinking that you haven’t been on there forever. (Not that there is anything wrong with that, but change it up, it’s like sheets on the bed, you have to strip them off and start over, you really do.)

4. If you are going to hold a fish in your profile picture, it better be a fucking big one.

5. Saying you like Lucky beer…does NOT make me want to date you, just saying.

6. This is not an appropriate description of yourself…

wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww
wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww
wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww
wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

7. Don’t use a picture of a model, and then ask if there is anyone real out there…cause WHAT?

8. Do not use any of these as your Tag line:

“Wigglin’ my worm, seeing what bites” 

“a good listener clean shaven all over and out goin”

I’m looking for a hard-headed woman.” 

Country monk seeks inner city charm

Sup?

I want to have sloppy seconds” 

9. So you want real girl? All of you…holy crap, have you been dating blow up dolls or what? Come on boys, let’s get a little more creative.

10. If you drink a lot say you do…we are going to find out, really.

11. Don’t put a picture of you and another woman on your profile, even if it’s your sister…don’t do it.

12. Don’t let the cat out of the box while we are reading your profile, that you are just a dog that wants to get fucked, have no job, and can’t drive because you have had a DUI…you know you are trying to impress a girl right?

13. Do NOT put a picture of your dog frenching you as your profile picture…please.

14. Do NOT use your wedding picture with the bride cut out of it…you must have friends that can take a new picture right?

15. I had to post this one, just because it was freaking hilarious, it made the whole experience worth it…gotta love a good sense of humor :)

I don’t have an ATV, I don’t have a fish to show off, I don’t shoot wildlife for sport and I won’t send you a pic of my genitalia if you say hi. So… wanna meet someone oldschool?
Me too.

And regardless of my pic…I’m not eating a racoon, or about to explode… I just take shitty pics…

That’s probably enough for today…well for me anyways. Again I want to send my condolences wish all my friends trying this out the best of luck.

Hopefully this will help at least one man give you girls a half decent profile…probably not, but it can’t hurt, can it?

 

32 thoughts on “Internet dating advice for boys…

  1. Sara Bergen

    Thanks for writing this. Hard part is that now you need to write one on where to meet men cause I e been single way to long to sit around and wait anymore for the right or any guy to find me. Though out of three Internet dates my favorite was the guy who said he was 6’3″ and so I at 5’6″ wore heals to meet him and he was right at boobie height. Do you think he planned that? I didn’t ask. But they’ve all been similarly bad. So where do us do t want to be single (Alaskan) Redneck girls go to meet men? Besides fishing that is!!

    1. The Redneck Princess Post author

      Ya Sara…I wish I had any ideas to give you, but I really don’t. At this point I am thinking our best bet might be grocery shopping :) Mind you I did meet a cute boy in the pub the other night, we will see how it goes when and if he calls me this week :) So do you really live in Alaska??? Isn’t there supposed to be lots of guys there? Maybe you need to grocery shop more, teeheee…thanks for stopping by as well :) Your link to your blog only takes me to the wordpress homepage though, and I would love to check out yours as well :)

  2. Robyn

    All good advice!  By the way, I'm having awful trouble negotiating your web site – not sure what it is, but once I comment I can't seem to get to move forward or backwards easily.

  3. HoaiPhai

    Funny as hell! As usual, I have way too much to say about this but I'll not be as silly as on the "Tips to Girls" post…
    1. This will tip women off that he probably watches A LOT of Wheel of Fortune and thinks he'll have to spend a lot of money if he uses too many vowels.
    2. Agreed… there's nothing a woman likes better in a potential boyfriend than him taking off with his fishing buddies every other weekend.
    3. Maybe the problem is that they change their profile as often as their sheets, making the stagnant profile less of a reason why nobody will date him.
    4. And may I add "…and it better have already been cleaned and cooked by you and there are no dirty dishes or fish guts in the background".
    5. Lucky Beer? They have that in BC, too! I didn't think the cost of that cheap stuff could pay the freight to ship it across Canada. Nothing says "Diamond Jim" like a beer that even rubbies will avoid if at all possible.

      1. HoaiPhai

        He-he…yup, two of my brothers are single! On drinks Lucky Beer and his ex still shows up at family functions. His finances are supposedly completely tapped dry by the mother of his two children (their relationship lasted about a year and a quarter… you do the math). The other is in his mid-sixties, sends e-mails without a moment's thought to the truth of them ("Don't freeze water in platic", etc), and regularly heads out of town on fishing trips with his buds. He doesn't smoke anymore… he quit cigs a decade ago and went onto cigarillos and nicotine gum, went off of the cigarillos in July of this year, and supposedly was going to quit the gum in September (in August I was the guest of honour for one of his imprompu one-man interventions because I smoke). He enjoys long moonlit walks to restaurants where other people pick up the bill, the sound of babies crying, and making excuses why he won't go to restaurants of a certain ethnic denomination, but will eat their food if I make it at my house. And his sock drawer is alphabetized. These are all true facts about both of them, except about the sock drawer and liking the sound of babies crying, although Older Brother does like teasing people to the point of them crying, if the victim is predisposed. If you like I'll send you their phone numbers but if you call collect, you'll never get through to either of them.

  4. Themindslam

    That was so damn funny. Great advice too. I actually met my wife on My Space…wasn't trying to do the interent dating thing, just started talking & it went from there. we have now been together 4 years & married 2 years next month.

  5. laughteriscatching.c

    oh god. thats another one i thought of the other night. why do the majority of men hold a fish?! its so weird. glad we are still on the same wavelength! :)

  6. JB

    Now that's a good way to start the day. Hi-La-Ri-Ous ;) 

    And good advice too! I am going through all my profiles on the 6,209 dating sites I'm using, replacing my profile pic. That lemon I'm eating is getting a little sour. Maybe I should not say in my profile that I'm from The Netherlands, but change that to Laos or Japan maybe.

    You need to make a 'Dear Donna' section on your site!

    // Jan

  7. PissyKitty

    That was hilarious, Donna; and the worst part is it's true. No one would catch my ass on a dating site. There's too many freaks on them. My judgment is bad enough when I pick them out in person! Good thing you wished them 'good' luck. They're going to need it.

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