Some of my online friends have been internet dating…I again want to say good luck with that. I have opted out of the internet dating scene due to bad choices and preferring to be single for the rest. of. my. life. rather than try it again…
But since I adore all you girls that are giving it a whirl, I thought I might try and help the boys out a little bit while filling in their profiles, so here is my advice boys…it’s good advice, take it…really.
All the examples I am using are from real life profiles … be afraid.
1. If you can’t spell, at least a little bit…you are going to be shit out of luck…
i hav worked very hard in my life,and hav my own autoboy shop to show for it,hav worked for every thing i hav.just want to be successful for my 2 boys !i am generous with a big heart just trying to find that special someone,lov to hav fun !also enjoy,quading with my oldest son,camping in our beat up old motorhome,fishing,watching hockey,football,mma,out for dinner or flashen up the barbeque and chillin at home !work hard play harder ! give me a shot ! cheers !
2. Do NOT hold a fish in your profile picture…we do NOT care that you can catch a fish, we live in BC, we can ALL catch fish dude…also, if you have a picture of you with a 70’s mustache or a snake around your neck…it isn’t attractive, just saying. All three in the same profile…terrifying.
3. If you have been on a dating site for more than 5 years consistently…change your profile, at least TRY and fool people into thinking that you haven’t been on there forever. (Not that there is anything wrong with that, but change it up, it’s like sheets on the bed, you have to strip them off and start over, you really do.)
4. If you are going to hold a fish in your profile picture, it better be a fucking big one.
5. Saying you like Lucky beer…does NOT make me want to date you, just saying.
6. This is not an appropriate description of yourself…
7. Don’t use a picture of a model, and then ask if there is anyone real out there…cause WHAT?
8. Do not use any of these as your Tag line:
“Wigglin’ my worm, seeing what bites”
“a good listener clean shaven all over and out goin”
“I’m looking for a hard-headed woman.”
“Country monk seeks inner city charm”
“I want to have sloppy seconds”
9. So you want real girl? All of you…holy crap, have you been dating blow up dolls or what? Come on boys, let’s get a little more creative.
10. If you drink a lot say you do…we are going to find out, really.
11. Don’t put a picture of you and another woman on your profile, even if it’s your sister…don’t do it.
12. Don’t let the cat out of the box while we are reading your profile, that you are just a dog that wants to get fucked, have no job, and can’t drive because you have had a DUI…you know you are trying to impress a girl right?
13. Do NOT put a picture of your dog frenching you as your profile picture…please.
14. Do NOT use your wedding picture with the bride cut out of it…you must have friends that can take a new picture right?
15. I had to post this one, just because it was freaking hilarious, it made the whole experience worth it…gotta love a good sense of humor :)
I don’t have an ATV, I don’t have a fish to show off, I don’t shoot wildlife for sport and I won’t send you a pic of my genitalia if you say hi. So… wanna meet someone oldschool?
And regardless of my pic…I’m not eating a racoon, or about to explode… I just take shitty pics…
That’s probably enough for today…well for me anyways. Again I want to
send my condolences wish all my friends trying this out the best of luck.
Hopefully this will help at least one man give you girls a half decent profile…probably not, but it can’t hurt, can it?