I am trying desperately to get some sense of normal going on in my life again…or at least routine. I am finding that fairly difficult I have to say.
The last month has been pretty much a blur, with the loss of Broc and our trying to work through that in our own ways, it is certainly not something that you can even anticipate what will happen the next minute with your feelings never mind any further ahead than that. It has brought us as friends to a point that is fairly unexplainable if you have never lived through it. I have lived through it with my friends twice in life now…I am bonded forever to those friends. It makes you inseparable. It makes you grateful. It makes you sad. It makes you love harder for the time you have.
The scare with my son came so soon after that I was still fairly numb. I am not sure we are totally done with it either. He is still not 100%. We are having tests done to try and figure out what is going on with him. The doctor tells us not to worry until we have the results back. But seriously dude…I am. I try not to, I know it won’t help anything, and I put on a strong front, but fuck…please just let it be the flu…hell Mono would be welcomed at this point. Just make it nothing…is all I am asking.
**Just before posting this blog, we found out my son has Mono…I am thoroughly grateful that that is all it is…THANK YOU UNIVERSE!! BUT…all it takes to figure that out is a fucking blood test. Seriously. So why the flaming hell didn’t they do that before the $500 fucking helicopter ride and 4 day stay in Vancouver. The symptoms are EXACTLY the same for both things, wouldn’t they rule the one out first that they can test for when he was in the hospital for 8 HOURS before they flew him down??? I will be checking into that you can be sure…what the hell??? But again…THANK GOD…
I am so thankful to have had the wee prince here at Christmas…he made us laugh, he screamed at the top of his lungs like I want to…he made me smile, I am his favorite Auntie in the world…ask him.
I am sad they have all gone home.
I miss my brother and Jenny…I am sad they are so far away. I can honestly say that watching them together and the love they have as a family…and as a couple gave me huge hope. Hope that there is someone out there that will get me, like he gets her, like she gets him. He adores her, it is obvious in everything he does. I can honestly say I don’t think he has ever been like that with anyone before, I am so happy that they have it with each other.
When the family was leaving, I held it together kissing and hugging everyone. Until I hugged Jenny. I am not sure why, maybe because I am so grateful to her, for giving my brother such an amazing gift of a family and true love. Maybe because I just love her so damn much, if there was anyone in the world I would want for my sister in law, I would pick her. First. Every. Single. Time. My whole family adores her.
So I guess my reboot back into the normal everyday stuff is taking a while because I am still trying to balance so much good and happiness, with the sadness and loss we have had.
Life is so unfair, yet at the exact same time so abundant and amazing…how the hell is a person supposed to process that?
So I take day by day, smile by smile, tear by tear…
I have a couple of little projects on the go for January, but I tell ya…every single year I can’t wait to go back to work, and this year is no different. I am really excited about going back this year. I wish it was sooner.
For the next month I will be working up to it, getting ready…getting back into a good place in my life, where I am happy, healthy and grateful.
And if we could just make 2012 fairly drama free, I would appreciate that…
Happy end of December my loves…All the best in the New Year to all of you!!!!! xoxoxoxo