But I ain’t feeling you walking the walk.
I have to say I am done and pretty much gone.
Why is it that people need to take other people’s power away in order to make themselves feel more powerful?? Why is it that it always takes me longer than is good to get that?
I mean how many times do you take that kicked in the gut feeling before it’s like…enough already?
Well for me that day was yesterday.
I woke up with some insight, with some clarity and just knowing that everything I have been pushing away, everything I was thinking was all in my head…actually wasn’t.
It’s funny how your mind can play tricks on you. How people can manipulate a situation to make you feel nuts.
I felt like that a lot when I was married. It was my husbands favorite game. I know better, I know the signs. I know that kicked in the gut feeling.
I don’t like it, nor will I accept it in my life. It’s not ok.
So I am moving away from the power sucking. I deserve to be loved completely. I deserve to be treated with respect and love, I want nothing less than that.
I am honoring the fact that anything less than that is not good enough. Sometimes people aren’t on the same page. That’s ok. Your truth may be 100% different than my truth is. The big difference is that I am honest about my truth, and I won’t be played. It’s not good enough for me for you to say what I want to hear. No one wins, no one will be happy…in the end it will just suck.
I am a smart girl, regardless of what you want to believe. Or what your story to your friends will be. I don’t really care. I know who I am, I know what I want, I know what I deserve. That is absolutely all that matters to me at this point.
So sad though I am that it was all a ruse and not what I was led to believe it was. I once again have learned a lesson. I guess I will continue to learn it until someone smacks me in the head with a fucking 2×4 or something.
It’s all good.
I am a tough chick, I bounce back, I heal fast. In three weeks you won’t even be a memory to me…it was mostly fun while it lasted but I refuse to give anything more away than that. Life is too short to not be completely happy and honest.
So onto the next adventure I move, or not. It doesn’t really matter to me that much. I have friends to love and a life to live, it’s not going to be my loss.