I never thought I would post anything about this. I thought I would be quiet, and not comment.
Because I had faith. I had hope. I wanted to believe.
That he wasn’t doing what they accused him of.
That he was telling the truth about not using performance enhancing drugs.
He was adamant…I was loyal. I waited. I watched.
Slowly my heart began to break with the knowledge.
That there is just no integrity any more.
I am still torn over how I feel about this whole thing.
I love Lance. I have looked up to him for years. I have admired him, during his battle with cancer and all he did for Livestrong…None of this lessens that impact.
What it does do, is prove that you just never know. People can put on a facade for all to see. People can be the total opposite of what they portray themselves to be.
The sadness that I feel, is that he was in a small way, my faith in humanity…he was someone, I thought, that portrayed the fact that there was indeed…gentlemen left. Real true gentlemen, who had morales, who did what he said he was going to do and had respect for the people around him.
I thought he was that guy.
I almost feel like I have broken up with someone…that I have to grieve the loss of Lance. The loss of hope. The loss of integrity.
I feel sorry for him, I am sad for him…even though he brought it on 100% himself. I still want to believe that deep down, he regrets everything. Not because it makes him look bad…but because he feels bad for what he has done to his friends and people close to him, to people that looked up to him and respected him.
I hope he forgives himself.
We are all human…we all err, sometimes in ways that seem unbelievable, and in ways that make us sad. In ways that make us want to do one more thing better every day. To make up for it, to be a better person than we were before we fell. Falling is nothing. It’s the easy part.
It’s bringing yourself back up to your expectations again. Making yourself what you know that your children need, making them something awesome to live up to.
I know that the one thing that must have ripped his heart out was telling his thirteen year old son, to stop defending him…
How heartbreaking is something like that to any of us…
And yet at the same time…how freeing. To admit that you made a mistake. Yes a huge mistake. You made it. You lived it…and now you have owned it.
Regardless of the fact it should have been sooner.
Regardless of anything.
You have a chance to turn the page. To move on. To do better next time.
We don’t need to see it. We don’t need to even know about it.
But it wouldn’t hurt.
So try and make amends, try and win us back. I still have a wee bit of faith, and I am pretty sure that no matter what…there can be hope, just a little bit of hope…
and maybe, just maybe…you can regain some dignity. Make a difference…
restore our faith, in you…in there actually being some integrity.