Home

Man Parades…Turkey dinner.

Last week was Thanksgiving. I cooked turkey at my parents house, and invited my friend Jade and her son over to help us OD on turkey. It was totally delicious and tons of fun!!

During the day as we were cooking, I mentioned to my Mom that I had been thinking about my shall remain nameless ex boyfriend that day. Which honestly, I never do anymore. I have detached, let it go and forgiven everything so that I can move on. There is no contact and all avenues for communication are pretty much blocked. It’s freaking good…

So why?? I asked myself was I having this bizarre thinking about him with every third thing I did kinda day? The conclusion I came to, is that still…after a year and three months, I still have residual shit to deal with.

A year isn’t that long.

To heal from your past…I was going to say mistakes, but the reality is that not one thing I have gone through has been a mistake. Not one. My past is just that, it’s behind me. The problem before this year, was that in all the breakups I have had, and all the new loves that came right after those breakups…there was zero time for my heart to heal. There was no me in there. It was me looking for someone else to validate me.

I am 52. My name is Donna…and I am a love addict. I fall. Fast. Hard. All in.

Or at least I used to.

The new Donna is picky. I won’t settle for less than I deserve this time. For any reason. I see the red flags. I don’t turn away from them or sweep them away like they are just a thing in my mind. THEY. ARE. RED. FLAGS. Which means I need to stop, reevaluate and walk away if I know it is a deal breaker for me.

I won’t get involved if you are drunk, newly single, just wanna f**k, or have little bitty kids. Oh and ya, you have to be nice to me. You have to love me the way I am. I am not everyone’s cup of tea and I am okay with that. Don’t try to change me. Don’t tell me to be quieter or softer or more of a lady. I will tell you to fuck the hell off. I’m a lady when I need to be. I know when to swear and when not to swear. I laugh loud…a lot. I won’t apologize for that.

I like being single.

I love living alone.

I work in a man parade.

I am not sure at this point in my life, how I would pick just one man to be with. I am with hundreds of men everyday. They give me their best. I get smiles, laughter, some flirting and then I take their money. Isn’t that like the perfect relationship? Oh yes it is.

The man parade has given my insight that I wouldn’t get anywhere else being a cashier.

It has shown me variety, and that I can be attracted to someone even when it’s not really the best idea.

After three months or so, the things that draw you to someone aren’t always the best route to go and if you take time to get to know someone slowly, you can pretty much rule them out or take it to the next level.

Attraction goes away…sometimes really quickly. Sometimes talking is bad. But that of course can be a whole different blog post, can’t it?

So my point here, is that for the first time, in like ever. I am taking my time, enjoying my life just the way it is right now. Friend time, me time, cat time…meditating like crazy, watching movies…good and bad. I have so much love, I am so happy all of the time, my heart is full. And finally after all of these years…I love me.

So thankful? Oh yes I am.

Man Parade…thank you.

For making my life pretty freaking awesome. And giving me some perspective.

Gibsons, thanks for having me back. I missed you.

And to all the awesome people I love…my heart just wants to kind of explode right now. Thanks for that.

Meat Sheets and Girl Fun…

Yesterday was one of those days…you know the kind, when you have had a hella week at work, and you are in need of a huge reboot?

And then, like magic…all of a sudden, there are your girls. Girls you haven’t seen for way too long. Girls that even though they don’t know it, motivate you to be a better you. Girls that you knew right from the first second you met, were going to hang around and be part of your life and make you grateful that you are a girl, and that sisters from another mother are really a thing.

My friends Lindsey and Kimberly are power sisters. They are not scared of adventure. Doing crazy spur of the moment road trips and showing up in a town they have never been to before to change a girls life, even in just a little get the hell out of your regular routine in your own amazing town kinda way.

Apparently I get stuck in a zone. A safe zone…where I forget to try new things. Where I take off my big picture glasses and just see my everyday life and not the big beauty and awesome stuff around me. My girls reminded me of all the stuff around me that I am not doing. All the adventure I am missing out on.

I mean who knew that this was going to happen?

Photo courtesy of the lovely Kimberly on your left…

You know that kayak moment when you have the munchies and the absolute best beef jerky on the planet in your possession. And yes…it is a sheet of meat. Meat sheets. Ha!

And The Butcher deserves a shout out here, if you live in Gibsons…go there… The Butcher on FB

The best meat in town… You knew I had to.

Being a tourist in your hometown gives you fresh perspective. It opens your half closed eyes to things that you may have overlooked because it’s just always been there. Having friends like these two beauties gives you fresh and fun new view of what you have in your lap. Every. single. day.

They remind me to step to the edge once and a while and remember what it feels like to be alive. To be in nature and get that refueling that we all need, life can be hard kids…

“Live your best life.” – the lovely Kimberly

Jump.

Get out of that comfort zone.

Kayak.

Eat sheets of delicious meat.

Road-trip.

Laugh.

Be loud.

Eat good food, and the Ice Cream.

Have fun.

And don’t you dare color in the lines…

Happy Sunday everyone. xoxo

Trudging through the mud…

We have had a pretty amazing summer here on the coast this year. We have only had a wee trace of rain since June sometime, which is pretty unusual when you live in a rain forest. It’s been awesome.

Unfortunately with the heat and dry we have also have devastating fires in BC…we still today, right now have over 1200 fires burning. Our province is on fire.

People have been evacuated for extended periods of time, and when they are allowed back, have no idea what they are going to go home to, or if they will even have a home left at all.

Be grateful.

For your home, for your family’s safety, for smoke free air, for all of the compassion that comes out in people in times of devastation.

It makes me sad that people don’t treat each other with that kindness every single day…but the truth is people are different when there is an emergency, they put down their phones, put aside the differences and actually pay attention to what the fuck is going on around them.

For some reason I have really noticed the phone addiction in this world in the last few weeks. People that come through the til, though few and far between, that are texting or talking while they are paying for stuff. No conversation, no eye contact, no…hey can I call you back in a bit so I can actually be in the moment with this cute girl at the til who wants to take my money. I mean come on people…grab those real life moments by the balls. Put the phone away…you are missing out on LIFE for Christ sake.

When I was in Vancouver a few months ago, on my way to Whitehorse…I had the joy of taking public transit. As much as I despise riding a bus, especially with a huge suitcase and no idea what the fuck I am doing…it is a prime chance to people watch, which I did. The only thing was, I was watching people look down at their phones. The only interaction I got was a drunk guy yelling over my head in my right ear at his drunk buddy that was two seats ahead of me…for like 20 minutes…awesome. Everyone else just stared down at their phones…like zombies. What? The? Hell?

I guess living in a small town keeps you safe from the real world a little bit more than in a big city. Which is indeed why I am a country girl. I love visiting the city, but I need the community that we have here. I need to see people every day that I know, and eventually come to love and care for. I want to go to the grocery store and know other shoppers, stock boys, the deli guy and the girl at the til. We still have that here…granted it’s not like the old days, when you knew everyone in town, but it still has that small town charm, like the chance that the cute guy you are crushing on is going to drive by you on the road when you are walking, and you actually SEE each other. When you are buying gas and you see friends that you have had since you were 10…When you get a job as a cashier in the busiest store on the coast, and see people that you haven’t seen since you were 12…I didn’t realize how awesome that could be until I moved back home. It’s small here, eventually you will run into everyone.

I just realized, that once again I have gone off on a sideways tangent on this post. My original thought was about walking in the smoky air we have over us right now from the fires…My best friend Lori and I walk about 8 km pretty much 5 times a week. This has been challenging in the last few weeks, due to an unexpected plague I caught from my co-workers, and the heat and smoke we are dealing with right now. The other day as we were walking up School Hill…which is definitely something I never thought I would do just because I could…because look at this bitch….

I said to Lori…it feels like we are walking in slow motion. There was not a chance that we could go faster, and I actually couldn’t believe that we would ever make it to the bloody top…she said that it was pretty much like walking in quick sand…you know when you think you are just about safe and you are going to make it out and then it sucks you back in…gah. It was hot, steep and close…that was the word we decided to use that described how shitty the air was. It felt like there wasn’t enough air for us to actually accomplish getting to the top, or home for my dinner…ever.

I have always been a spring and fall girl…don’t get me wrong, I love summer…but this year, today…I am over it. I am ready for the clarity that comes with fall. The crisp, the clean air…the boots and the sweaters. A new season coming in that shows you that things never stay the same for long. Everything changes for better or worse. But change is inevitable.

So I say bring it on…let’s put the Province out, wash the dust away…clear the clutter and get ready to hunker down for the winter season.

And look up once and a while…pay attention to your life before it’s over and you have totally missed all the awesome crazy stuff going on around you.

Long weekends and little black dresses…

Well, it’s the long weekend! I had big plans for the weekend. My best friend Lori and I were going to roadtrip it to the River city for the weekend, but unfortunately all of my friends have lives and were out of town or busy for the last weekend of summer. Go figure. So we bailed.

Which in the long run was a good thing, as this plague that has a hold of me hasn’t quite finished with me yet. I am now on the headache stage of it all. Fun. Not.

We had a trip to Vancouver planned for yesterday instead, but alas…I bailed on that at 6 yesterday morning. Just couldn’t face the city with a migraine I wasn’t sure was going to die.

It did indeed die. So we made alternative plans to shop on the coast, the problem with Lori and I shopping on the coast is that it usually involves second hand stores.

My name is Donna Holland and I have an addiction to shirts and jeans.

I mean seriously. How the fuck am I ever going to wear all those shirts? The ones on the bed are the ones I am taking back. My thinning needs work. Even my cat is shaking her head.

I am also taking in about 10 pairs of jeans that will never in the history of ever fit my cute 52 year old ass again. I am tired of feeling bad because I can’t get into them any more. Why the actual hell I torture myself is beyond me. I have decided it is over.

I don’t really have body issues. I am pretty lucky to be active and healthy, but the truth is when we age, we can’t have the body we had even 10 years ago, never mind when we were 30. Okay, I might not be quite over that…but I have decided that I need to dress for what I have now, what what I want or think it might be if I join the gym or walk 10km farther a day. Because it just makes me feel bad. And screw that…

A smart man recently told me that I need to stop being so hard on myself and my body. And that the ass I don’t want to look at in the mirror is indeed enjoyable to an also nearly 50 year old him…I appreciated that advice. I made me realize that men aren’t nearly as hard on us as we are on ourselves. They just want you naked in their beds…they don’t give a shit about your muffin top or the cellulite on your ass.

I know I feel that way if there is a naked man in my bed as well, which I am going to say doesn’t happen nearly as often as I would like it to. But that is a different post altogether…

I also bought two dresses yesterday…

Anyone who knows me is like…what?

I mean you see the tshirts, and the two drawers of jeans…ya. That is who I am. Not dress girl. I have no idea why I have such a hard time being girlie, but I do. The thing is, I have this incredible job now, and we have a big Christmas party. And there needs to be a dress. Well I figured I better start looking for one now. And holy crap…I found two. One is more of a summer dress…there have been suggestions that summer dresses are sexy. Who knew…I stepped out of the comfort zone a little. We will see if I ever wear it…though even I think it is pretty sweet.

And the party dress…I now for the first time in my life, have a little black dress, that fits me like it was made for me.

I was going to post pics of the dress, but taking a selfie of your whole body is hard…and if you see me walking around in a dress it will have more impact if you haven’t ever witnessed it before.

So if you need some tshirts or jeans, there is going to be a really good selection coming in the end of next week.

And hopefully I can make more room in my closet for the winter clothes. Pretty sure the shopping addiction isn’t going to power down much…

Have a great rest of your weekend peeps!