The lonely part of single…

The lonely part of single…

I woke up this morning, and didn’t really feel like getting out of bed. That is part of the problem with having a seasonal job. I find there are days when I have no plans, and it gets easy to fall into the rut of not leaving my house.

Don’t get me wrong, I have lots to do at home. I have soap to make, presents to build and crocheting to do.

But there comes a point where being alone that much isn’t healthy. Well for me anyways.

I have spent the better part of the last month regrouping and spending alot of time in my head. I am sort of bored with that now. I am still learning to be happy on my own, it is a daily thing with me. I talk a good talk, anyone that doesn’t really know me, would totally believe it.

There are still days, when I dream about having someone to be with. Forever.

I won’t lie, even when I say I am not looking. I think about it.

It’s who I am.

Even though I have been a loner for most of my life, I have found that I need to have attention, affection and love. That is what I miss the most when I am single. In a lot of ways, that are probably unhealthy, it has always been what makes me feel validated. That is the bump I need to get over right now. I know this.

I don’t need to be validated by someone else. I know I am valid :)

I just have to keep saying it out loud.

I really am enjoying my time alone. Truthfully. I love being free, not checking in with anyone continually, or looking after anyone else but myself. It has been freeing to me to know what I want and to be able to walk away from a situation I knew was unhealthy, or hurtful or not what I truly want and deserve in this life.

So this morning when I woke up…and felt a little lost and definitely lonely, I put out into the Universe, that I needed some help with it all, and maybe a better way to deal with it.

Ask and you shall receive.

I got out of bed, made myself a big pot of coffee, and prepared to blog my ass off for a bit. The afternoon was going to involve sewing, and soap making and baking cookies.

But one of my friends came online, and asked me if I wanted to go for coffee.

My inital reaction was to say no. I was in my pj’s and I was all happy and safe in my little funk.

But the Universe smacked me upside the head nearly instantly and made me say yes.

I got my ass off the couch, had a shower and got myself dressed. And I went.

I am glad that I did. It had been forever since I have seen my friend, and it was way overdue.

I did a few errands and got home to my poor pathetic little dog. Who hasn’t been walked in over a week, and made another choice that wasn’t planned for the day.

I called my friend Linda, and asked her if she wanted to take our puppies for a walk. Our dogs love each other and it is a nice day out. I am waiting for her to show up as I type.

I am making the kid chocolate chip cookies while I wait. I will be his favorite Mom for sure.

It’s time for me to live my life fully…I get it, I really do. Some days it is just so easy to say and so much harder to do. I am doing it, baby step by baby step. My priorities change a wee bit every single day. I get stronger, surer, and happier with my life the way it is now.

I am learning that the lonely part of being single, the part that would have before made me run to find a man, whether it be a messed up dating site, and ex that I think I should try again with, or the first guy that shows interest in me…goes away. It’s like quitting smoking. It is a habit…an addiction. One that I am no longer giving in to.

So when we are talking, and I lie to you, and tell you that I am ok alone, that I am not looking for anyone to be with. Believe me just a little ok?  Because I really am ok…and everyday I get closer to it being the truth. I am really, really good with that, even if I am not as sure as I would like to be.

I already have all the love in my life that I need. My embracing and appreciating that is amazing and totally fulfilling. The rest will come in time for me, when it is healthy, when I am truly ready and when it is real.

I have faith in that. I trust in it every day.

Being a grown up is stupid hard isn’t it? I think back now to when I was in school and didn’t have a care in the world and just wanted to be grown up… and wonder that the hell I was thinking? Who knew it would all be so complicated?

Life is funny that way, just when you think you have it all figured out, you realize you don’t have a fucking clue what is going on.

The adventure never ends…it’s a pretty sweet deal isn’t it?

Happy Friday my friends xoxo

16 thoughts on “The lonely part of single…

  1. lafemmeroar

    I don't think I'll ever really figure it out–I guess that's the journey of life is the pursuit of the answers and the delight we find along the way. I may never really know, but I'm going to do my best to pursue my best relationship, which is with me. That doesn't mean I don't want someone to love. Of course I do … 

  2. Pigletinportugal

    You should write a book during these winter months. :) Just for fun. Then when it's finished send it of for review.

  3. Barbara Taylor

    Enjoy this time on your own Donna, make the most of it because it wont last. Something or someone will come into your life when you most need it – that's life! Keep in touch with your friends – you will always need them.

  4. Separated Dad

    Hi Donna,

    The shifts aren't always sudden but there are definitely times I flip-flop between loving the overly-busy lifestyle I have at the moment and wanting to have a seasonal job and some quiet times as you do.

    There are definitely times when the three girls are so demanding of my time that I could benefit from a single life for a while. If I had that, I would miss them terribly and the walls would close in.

    It's not a case of 'the grass is greener' whichever way I could go, but a case of wanting a little bit of everything: peace, love, companionship, quiet times, affection, times to whittle down the To Do list, etc. Perhaps it feels similarly to you?

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