The Redneck Princess

It would be funny if it wasn’t totally disturbing…

It would be funny if it wasn’t totally disturbing…

I seem to be a magnet.

For crazy.

Not that this is anything new right? But how does it keep getting weirder?

So when I got back from Vancouver with my family, my youngest son found some bangle bracelets on my p0rch. Like about 50 of them, with a note Merry Christmas and Happy New Year, or something equally as brilliant. I threw the note away before I got a  picture, I am sooo not in blog fodder mode.

Now at the time I had NO idea who would have left them there. I don’t have any secret admirers that I know of, or I didn’t think I did.

So we tried to puzzle through it, came up with nothing and moved on. I had a house full of family to love and feed, right?

The next day the phone rings, Colton answers it and brings it to me with an odd look on his face. I answer the phone and it is my wood guy.

Not the wood guy that I got last time, but the one from before that I have decided to back slowly away from, after his profession of love to me with his I assume wife in the truck.

I don’t know if I told that story or not, quick version…

I have been getting my wood from this couple for a few years now, there has never been anything weird or out of line before now…I put my house up for sale and we have a conversation at the end of last winter, that I will leave the new people their number if I sell the house. All good right? They have been pretty good to me and deliver fast, I like to help people out.

Well obviously I didn’t move and called them this fall, telling them that I was not moving now and would like to get a load of wood.

The day of the wood delivery was the day I was getting a new roof put on the house. Instead of driving around the back of the house like he usually does, the wood guy came to the front door.

I tell him to come around the back of the house as usual, just before I turn around to go in, he quickly asks me about moving, I tell him I am staying, pointing at the roof, it is fairly obvious why. He then asks me about my boyfriend…I say I don’t have one anymore. In hindsight, mistake.

He then says to me, with his wife in the truck twenty feet away, that he wishes he could be my boyfriend, and he would love me forever and look after me.

Awkward much?

I am pretty sure I was standing there with my mouth hanging open.

What the HELL are you supposed to say to that?

All I could do was turn around, and say to him that I would meet him out back to unload the wood.

Unloading was bizarre to say the least.

So I chose to go to someone else for wood after that, I mean why the hell would I even go there again right?

Anyways back to the original post…

I answer the phone and it is the woodguy…yes the above woodguy…ON CHRISTMAS.

I am like what the hell?

He asks me if I got his present. At first I have no idea what the hell he is talking about, and then it all makes sense.

I once again am speechless. I say thank you very much, but he absolutely shouldn’t have.

I explain quickly that my family is here and I need to go, so Merry Christmas and I hope you have a great New Year. I hang up.

OMG…what the hell?

And of course, it is the family joke for the weekend that I will be part of his harem…the number one wife by the looks of those bracelets.

My sister-in-law even looked up the color of the bracelets to see if there was any meaning…of course every one has a different meaning, we won’t even go there.

And no, I will not be wearing any of the bracelets…

Ever.

I am also screening my calls.

My New Years resolution is no more crazy. Seriously, and I don’t MAKE resolutions.

I am not totally sure how I am going to pull that off quite yet, but I am going to try. The last freaking thing I need is some other chicks husband chasing me, that can go from zero to psycho in a pretty quick period of time I am thinking.

Happy crazy free Thursday folks :)

22 thoughts on “It would be funny if it wasn’t totally disturbing…

  1. Pingback: Did you seriously just call me a Douche bag? | The Redneck Princess

  2. Kevin

    I can’t recall if you said you have a big, mean-looking dog at home or not. Big, mean-looking dogs are a single girl’s best friend, I would think. Do you know that it’s his willing wife? Maybe it’s someone he grabbed from a mall in Ohio in 1987.

    All seriousness aside, he was delivering wood, right? I mean, maybe he assumed that he was supposed to, you know, deliver LOTS of wood to you, and love you forever and look after you, and make sure you were never short of wood. Sorry, I can’t help myself.

    1. The Redneck Princess Post author

      Hahahahahahahha….OH my…NO to all of the above, his wife is way bigger than him and could easily kick the shit out of him if she had too…I have a beware of dog sign, ya…and there is a big ass can of Mace handy…don’t worry I got it covered…

  3. Brown Road Chronicles

    I thought this was hilarious, then started reading people’s be careful warnings. Probably correct. Sorry I haven’t been around here much and that you’ve had such a challenging time recently. I hope 2012 is wonderful for you! Happy New Year! :-)

    1. The Redneck Princess Post author

      Well it is hilarious Steve, it has to be at this point :) mind you I have just started reading the comments, I might be terrified by the time I am done :) Happy New Year to you as well my friend :)

  4. Cecelia Futch

    That’s creepy! I hope you have let someone (neighbor, friends, law??) know what’s going on. I had a friend who experienced the same sort of thing. She immediately went to authorities and started talking it up. Come to find out the man who was acting inappropriately toward her had approached just about every woman in her neighborhood in the same way. The town police were aware of his behavior and keeping an eye on him. He was married, too. NOT to scare you (nothing happened to my friend other than being annoyed by the situation) but be careful.

    1. Separated Dad

      I’m with Cecelia. Tell the authorities in case this continues or gets weirder. He may be I’ll for all you know. It’s not his taste we worry about! Just his apparent unwillingness to recognize ordinary lines of decency.

    2. The Redneck Princess Post author

      I am on it Cecelia, I have friends who know, and of course now all of you :) I actually had another situation about two weeks ago that was even worse with a different guy. What the hell right? So my best friend has his info, all of it on her phone :) Is it 2012 yet?