The Rules and Regulations of dating in your 40’s…

The Rules and Regulations of dating in your 40’s…

There are some apparently…who knew?

You all know me right? Any of my friends that hear the words Donna and Rules in the same sentence will either snort, spew their coffee out their noses or run away laughing ferociously.


I don’t do rules.

I do etiquette, and manners. I will even behave if I have to, but if you think you are going to tell me how it is from your perspective and expect me to do as you say…and think I will be all ok with that, then you will be sadly disappointed in our acquaintance.

The thing I have found with dating at this age, is that we all have baggage, right? Some of us have dealt with our baggage and some of us haven’t. It’s all good in every situation, really it is. But we sort of have to be on the same page to a certain extent is all.

Now the scary part of this is…I haven’t even been on a date yet. I am thinking about it though…

The big question is this, where the hell do you meet people to go on a date with?

We know online is off the grid for me, I just can’t go there. Facebook is questionable too, mostly because I keep meeting people that live in a different province or city. It is just too hard to cyber date. You can’t get the feel for who someone really is online. They only let you see what they want you to see, so you can’t possibly get the whole picture.

I have recently made a friend, who I have been talking to, he seems like a normal guy. All good. He lives too far away. That is a problem for me, absolutely. And then there was this…

The other night we were talking about trust, and he said to me “you have to earn my trust”…

I am like, what?

First off, no.

Dating is hard enough work without having that kind of shit hanging over your head.

I am trustworthy, I am loyal.

If you won’t give me the benefit of the doubt, your loss.

I won’t take on your issues as my own, and I have no desire to go out of my way to make you feel better because you have been hurt before.

We have all been hurt before, we have all been betrayed. No one wants that, but you can’t control things other people do. It sucks, but…

And really, isn’t dating at our age hard enough without projecting that onto someone? It’s going to narrow your chances of finding love I would say. Well with me anyways.

So where do you find guys to date? The grocery store? In Starbucks? I haven’t got a fucking clue.

If you do find someone, how do you make sure they have the same rules and regulations as you do?

I mean I guess I have some qualifications, I would rather not call them rules, but they are pretty simple…

  • Have a job, and it can’t be a job like being a drug dealer or a pimp.
  • Have your own house, rented or owned, I don’t really care, but you aren’t living with me the first week, just saying.
  • Don’t ask me if you can drive my car, you can’t.
  • Listen to what I tell you when you ask me a question. Turn off the porn, or stop checking out the hot chick walking past our table…you asked, you should at least listen to what I have to say. There might be a quiz later.
  • Don’t expect me to chase you like I am 14. I won’t. You will be disappointed.
  • Don’t be abusive, in any way to anyone…
  • If I meet you out, and give you my number, and you don’t call…I won’t call you. I will show interest if I am interested for sure, but the next step is up to you, you need to make effort…
  • If you want to know something about me, ask me. Don’t listen to the bullshit gossip from the girl in Sayward who doesn’t even know me that heard it from a friend of a friend that lives in fucking Timbuktu…who knows a girl I went to school with when I was six.
So that’s about it…pretty basic. Like I said dating is hard enough to deal with.
Why add insanity?
I am done being a magnet for crazy…
I would rather be the fucking crazy cat lady, seriously…

27 thoughts on “The Rules and Regulations of dating in your 40’s…

  1. Cris

    Your un-Rule rules for dating, and, really, for any relationship (well, some of them, anyway) are quite wise.

    Rednecks aren’t supposed to be wise. You’re going to give us a bad name.

    Seriously, you have an interesting and humorous way of communicating. I’ve enjoyed your writing since you Liked one of my photos in my f-stop fantasy blog.

    Keep up the good work.

  2. Ronn Jordan

    They say the 40’s are the new 30’s, it’s hip to be in your 40’s unless you need a new hip…
    I have dipped a toe into the online dating pool but it is just too damn scary. I dig your qualifications though, it’s not too much to ask of a potential mate. I would have to add however that a sense of humor is mandatory. Life is too short to spend on someone that is just miserable all the time. As far as the guy telling you that you have to “earn his trust” because he has been hurt before…DUH, that is probably why we are all single in our 40’s, that sounds like a red flag to me; maybe he is the one that can’t be “trusted”. Anyway, thanks for your blog, I find it thoroughly entertaining and good luck in your quest.


  3. William Notherdinger

    I didn’t reached 40s yet but I told my mother about the article , it may be useful for her :-)


  4. Rachel

    I’ve recently discovered that in China, very few girls will be willing to agree to a marriage proposal unless the guy in question:

    1. *Owns* a home or an apartment
    2. Owns a car
    3. Has a full time job earning salary and benefits

    In America, this is a girl’s dream. In China, this is a girl’s standard. If any couple in China gets married without having these priorities in order, it is considered pretty taboo. They have a term for it that loosely translates into “naked marriage.” Somehow all of these Chinese girls have their boyfriends feeling panicked, thinking, “I have to hurry up and buy a house, so that she knows I’m serious about her….I don’t want her to run off with some other guy that already has it together!” How did they create that culture?? We need more of that in America!

  5. Megan

    Who wrong the book of love?!?!? Certainly not this girl… just sayin’. My “requirements” are pretty much the same as yours my friend. Big freakin’ surprise there, huh?!? Further proof we are soul sistas. ;) Here’s my “manual” I wrote a good ways back… I think before we found each other!

    Online dating does work for some… NOT FOR ME… Not even at all. I tried once and it was enough to turn me off completely… Where do you meet them?!? I thought perhaps with the new job there’d be more of a chance, but anybody worth looking at or talking to is attached already. Go freakin figure. I’m not looking for him, but I wish he’d hurry up and get his damn ass here already. Seriously… time is a wastin’. Until then, I guess I will keep working on making myself happy… that’s all I can do! xoxoxoxoxoxo

  6. Kevin

    Try dating in your 50s–sucks even more. They used to say you could meet people at a laundromat, till some comedian pointed out that most women don’t really want to date a guy who can’t even afford his own washer and dryer.

    Internet dating is successful for some; I call it “The Freak Show” though. It didn’t work for me.

    If you want to drive 2000+ miles to see me here in Dakota, I think you’d really be worth squeezin’ in between my porn watchin’ and pimpin’.

  7. Jan B

    Another good post. Where do you get your dates from. Online is not an option for you, but can be for others, like me. (Just telling like it is…). The distance now and the way we can communicate is in a way different then let’s say 60 years ago.
    And yes, we all at ‘a certain age’ have baggage. That’s does not have to be a bad thing tho, it makes us the way we are now.
    For me there’s some things I don’t like to be changed, being in a relation. That is don’t try to change me, leave me alone when I need it, and no lies. Pretty simple. I would not even call them rules. They’re more like a manual… ;)

  8. Separated Dad

    I think the threat of a quiz should keep guys on their toes! It should also cut down on the guys seeing other women:

    You: So, how many kids do I have?
    Him: (Muttering to himself) Is she the one with one at home, the one with two who are grown-up, or… Fuuuuck! Please date me, Diana! I’ll remember next time!
    You: Of course I will…if you can remember my name. Here’s a hint. It’s not Diana.
    Him: No more hints?
    Him: Fuuuuck!
    You: Ciao baby!

  9. Brenda

    I’m with Jaye! Don’t diss internet dating. I met my husband on yahoo personals almost 10 years ago. It was a lot of trial and error but also a lot of fun. I enjoyed calling them OUT on their lies. Oh yeah, I kept a check list of questions and answers and drilled them on them when I met them in person! LMAO

    I wasn’t a bar hopper and tried the “friend fixing me up” thing. Neither worked for me unfortunately.

    Hang in there girl. It will happen! And when it does, be straight up with him from the git go. No head games! No lies! No bullshit drama!

  10. Jaye

    This hilarious! And makes me glad I don’t have to date. I would be sunk. I too would become a crazy cat lady (versus the crazy raccoon lady that I am right now!)…
    Where to meet guys? Go on a cruise! :) and hey, don’t diss the internet! I met the man I have now been married to for 14 years on the internet…wait..that came out wrong. I met him on the internet 14 years ago. We haven’t been married on the internet for 14 years…
    Jeez..I need to have coffee if I am going to read your stuff this early.

  11. Rafa acmewolf

    Thanks for the tips! I think these tips are standard application worldwide. :) I’ll note right now!. ;)
    OK Donna, I see you’ve recovered some of your humor. This is good.
    PS: Nobody likes someone else drive your own car!.Girls or Boys and cars don’t lend. <3

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