The New Year has started out pretty stellar for me so far, well other than the Woodguy’s wife’s threats and a little bit of cr*#y. (I am not saying that word out loud anymore, seriously.)
I have been working out, meditating and basically getting my shit together. I can honestly say that I haven’t felt this grounded, confident or sure of myself in a very long time, if ever.
I find I am more accepting of things the way they are, rather than trying to make them what I think they should be or what I want them to be.
Some things just are, and that’s ok.
Learning to take the good from every situation, and every person that I have in my life is where I want to be right now.
I am assuming after talking to my mother this morning, that she is mortified that I am back on Plenty of fish. Understandable. I have some strange and disturbing experiences from there, but I have also had some great ones.
I have made some friends that I know I will have forever, or at least for as long as they will keep me. I haven’t had the same success with finding the man of my dreams, but I have had a couple of relationships with men that have taught me things, both good and bad…as hopefully I have taught them. I also now realize that I have total control over my experiences that come from online dating. I know that avoiding the nuts and drama is fully under my control.
I have to say, even 2 weeks ago, I was adamant that I would not go back on the site, and I am not even really sure myself why I did. Yes admittedly I was bored, and my friend Steve made a sock puppet profile that was absolutely hilarious…so while I was back on there checking that out…once I finished laughing, I started looking around.
So ya Steve…all your fault big guy, all your fault.
While I was looking around, I thought, what the hell? I mean really what have you got to lose. The delete button is handy, you don’t have to respond if you aren’t interested, though I do try to even if it is just to say sorry.
I don’t have a picture posted, so I can stay as low key as I want to.
And seriously, it is amusing.
And I have a date. A real live date.
I have just not been into the dating thing at all up until now, but I think I am ready. Maybe I will meet “the one” maybe I won’t, but at least I am getting back out into the real world, meeting people and if all else fails making friends.
I am thinking maybe being single forever isn’t what I want out of life, even though I said I would be rather be than go back on the site.
I haven’t felt ready for any of it up until a couple of weeks ago, and I have to say, I am a little excited about it. The last couple of weeks I have stepped out of my comfort zone a few times, jumping into situations where I normally wouldn’t have gone because I feel, I suppose, like I can’t protect my feelings. I have learned in those few weeks, that protecting your feelings and being safe, can be a little overrated, because you miss out on life, and fun and love…even if it isn’t the love you thought you were going to get from that person, or find in that situation. It has opened my eyes a little, and my heart. It has made me realize that people can carve a niche into your life, fit in so perfectly that you would have missed it on a normal day.
Everyone we meet is sent to us for a reason, what we take from the lessons we teach each other is up to us I suppose. It is part of the story that I have sort of missed up until now.
Today, I kinda get it though. It makes me smile, fills up my heart and makes me be thankful and not so lonely that I have the opportunity in my life to be where I am, meeting new people and loving the ones I already have been sent.
So Mom…don’t worry. It’s all good. Don’t try to understand me, I can’t even figure me out most days. I just know I am smiling and happy and I look forward to the adventures that will be sent my way every new day, regardless of what they end up being in the end.
And take heart in the fact that I will be back at work in about three weeks, so I will stay out of trouble a little bit then…
Ok probably not…it sounded way more convincing in my head.
Love and peace to you all xoxo