I went out last night.
I had a date. We went and watched the MMA fight with my best friend and her husband. It was an awesome fight and for once, the guy I picked won.
After dinner and the game we decided to go to the Quinny, my date had to leave at 11 to go get his kids and head back to Courtenay. That is pretty much where the normal part of the evening ends.
Ya, I am tricky that way, you thought this was going to be about my date, didn’t you?
It was at this point that some of my friends co-workers showed up…now his co-workers are not our age, they were all about 27 years old.
I am pretty thankful that I am not 27 anymore after what I witnessed last night.
It is a well known fact that young guys dig older chicks. I mean it’s a no brainer. We are fucking cool after 40, but that isn’t what this is about, well not totally anyway.
So let’s start the list shall we?
1. If you don’t bathe or brush your teeth, in what smells like forever, women are probably not going to talk to you for more than 10 minutes. It doesn’t matter how cute you are or how sad your story is.
2. If you are in line to buy drinks, and the woman behind you puts ten bucks on the counter for HER drink. Don’t pick up your change and her ten bucks. She will make your friend, make you own up the to fact you are a fucking jerk and you WILL give her said ten bucks back. Being drunk is no excuse for assholery.
3. Do not be absolutely sure that the hot 47 year old at the table is going to get all moist for your cute puppy dog eyes and hot dance moves. You are cute, but by our age we probably have kids that are close to as old as you are. We are totally amusing ourselves. Even though we are flattered. Really.
4. Do not keep knocking the hot 47 year old’s drinks over. Eventually it will piss her off, it was bad enough you tried to steal her ten bucks.
5. When trying to impress a woman, do not say this, even when you are being honest. “I do tons of coke”…what the fucking fuck are you thinking? How proud your mama must be huh? Do you sit in the Gazebo in your back yard and snort up everyday? Or is it just on nights when you come into town? You know what? It doesn’t fucking matter. Unless you are dating a coke ho…women will run.
Now these five things are just a guideline, I expect that you are going to use your own discretion how and when you bring them into play.
I mean I get that you are young and there is lots of learning to come, really I do. I also know that the girls your age are just going to tell you to fuck off rather than take the time to explain to you that these things are fairly unacceptable in the real world.
I could start a new career with this stuff, seriously. I am like Dear Abby, only I say fuck too much. I suppose I could filter more…
Meh…no. That wouldn’t be any fun would it?
But if you feel the need to send me $10 bucks, I have PayPal…
Happy Sunday all!!
- Don’t piss into the wind and tell me it’s raining…
- How to Spot a Loser… OR, I Should HAVE Listened to My Mother, Dammit.