I promise. I really will be kicking some ass.
But for today, I will remain calm, cool and collected.
I will be the centered and loving girl you all know and love.
It’s really who I am, when I am not ranting and trying to make everything make sense in this crazy fucked up complicated life.
I am regrouping, rethinking and getting all my chakras back in line again. That can sometimes take a couple of days with me, especially when they are all askew and upside backwards. Trust me, they are. Or were.
It’s funny how I have taken months to get myself back to good, to a place where for the first time in my life, I can actually look at myself in the mirror and say out loud, “I love you, just the way you are, with all your flaws, your insecurities and with all your life experiences”… it seriously is a place I have never been before. And how in a matter of weeks I again look in the mirror and nearly question it.
I nearly go backwards.
Today, I said it out loud again, twice. And I meant it. I really meant it.
No one will ever take that power away from me again. Whether they realize they are doing it or not…the main thing is I know it. I feel it. I feel myself falling back down to that place with no control, no love, no self preservation. So on went the brakes.
I meditate, try not to over think…talk it out, and in a couple of days, it’s all clear. The excuses, the stories, the making it seem like something it’s not… is all a lie. One I refuse to live.
I have a truth…I know what that truth is. No one can take that from me.
Healing is a slow process, there always seems to be unexpected bumps and twists that you never see coming. Once and while I guess you have to expect that you may fall back a step. I might have for a bit, just for a day or two. I am ok now though. I made it over one more hurdle, up one more step.
Tomorrow is a new day, with new adventures, new friends and maybe new love…or maybe not :)
Either way, it’s all good, cause I am back up, shaking off the dirt, and moving on…