Stepping out of the comfort zone…

Stepping out of the comfort zone…

I am on the verge of a huge decision.

Well huge for me, when it involves my hair.

You see, ever since I can remember I have used my hair like a security blanket. If it looks like crap, that is how I feel. Whether it is true or not, it is what it is.

I have taken years to get my hair to where it is right now. Long…

Blame age or menopause or just plain insecurity, whatever it is…I hide behind my hair. I hang onto it.

A year ago right about now, I made a choice in my life to not be afraid.

To live my life the way I wanted to, no matter what anyone else had to say about it. I hurt someone that cared for me a lot. For that I am still sorry, but it would have just ended the same way later on with more hurt. I made a choice to change how I deal with situations.

Or so I thought.

The last year has proven to be a challenging one for me, in many ways. I am good with that. I am not afraid of a good challenge and I thought I was pretty ok with change.

This week I wonder…

I am trying my hardest to be someone understanding and loving, without giving up who I am as a person, a person I have worked hard to become in the last few years.

Some days I am successful, some days not so much.

It’s all learning.

I am in a relationship I am totally grateful for, with a man that I love. It has it’s challenges as well, as will any relationship with two people that are set in their ways after being alone for a good part of life. But we work at it, every day.

I am still doing that with myself as well.

I have self esteem issues.

Why doesn’t matter, and seriously I am not totally sure I get all the reasons myself…I just know it is.

I work hard every single day to be confident and to love myself.

Some days are good.

I have never been truly comfortable in my own skin. I have never felt like I can pull it together like alot of people can. I am clumsy and a bit of a geek, and just have never outgrown that part of myself, or felt confident that I even can…

And that’s ok…

So what started all of this, was a comment made by my son a long time ago…

He said to me, “why don’t you ever wear your hair straight?”

I have been thinking about that, and all I could come up with, was that I couldn’t hide behind it if it was straight now could I?

So the other day, I was buying groceries and felt the need for some reason, to go into the hair section, and lo and behold…there was a straight iron on sale. For half price.

The bargain hunter in me couldn’t pass the deal up. I mean seriously, right?

So I bought it.

And then I got home and thought, what the hell? There wasn’t very much forethought there obviously because now I actually have to use the fucking thing.

I didn’t.

I was afraid.

Seriously…you can smack me now if you want, even I know how lame that sounds.

But it is true. I was afraid.

Two days later, after thinking about it alot…

I finally got up the nerve to try and use it.

You know what??? I didn’t actually hate it. It was really different, granted. But the world didn’t end, no one laughed at me, or told me I looked like a boy or a worse version of Blondie.

And it got me thinking.

It is time for me to let go of the insecurity that is my hair.

I have over the years always had the same haircuts. I looked back today, and holy crap, afraid of change much?

So I have decided to go for it.

I have long enough hair on the top layer now, that I can get it cut to one length.

Sort of like the picture of the beautiful Carrie Underwood above…but with bangs.

I know…it is like four inches off.

But cute.

I know I can do this, I know I can.

Without crying, or making a fuss.

Because this time, unlike every other time before, I have thought about it. Lots.

I need to try something new, to jump out of the comfortable and yet totally boring world of shapeless hair.

So Friday at 5:30…I am going in. Both feet, balls to the wall…and I am doing this!!!

Wish me luck, and here is hoping I don’t change my chicken shit mind, because obviously I will have totally fabulous hair for two days and the doubt will start to kick in. You always have great hair right before you decide to cut it off right?

I promise I will post pictures too, even if I do bail and only get a couple of inches off. That is what I am going to make her do first. Baby steps, cause I am a pussy, and a chicken shit all wrapped in a ball.

I am working on it, really I am…

Cheers…

 

8 thoughts on “Stepping out of the comfort zone…

  1. Nicole

    Hon, if there’s ANYBODY who can relate to the stigmas and anxieties attached to hair, it’s me. I cut off all of my chemically relaxed ends and went back to my natural state, and if you understood anything about the stigmas of certain hair styles and textures in the Black community (particularly someone as “high yellow” as myself), you’d know this has been a trying rollercoaster of a year for me. I have just gotten to the point where I can embrace what I look like with an Afro, and coils and twists make me feel pretty rather than, well…let’s use the term “less than.” I have also almost gotten to the acceptance stage than my hair may never be as straight as what I was used to ever again (Almost. I am the original “Whip My Hair” girl–Willow just sang it first.), but I still have those “What the heck did I do this for?” moments. It’s not a bad thing–just something to process and decide whether or not you’re going to let it hold you back. Go on and jump in the deep end–it’ll grow back. And you might actually love it. Keep us posted!

  2. Cam

    When I relate to you, Donna, it’s not about your hair, it’s your outlook on life. Hair grows, character follows you, have some fun, Farrah would agree with me :)

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