When the beginning is terrifying yet exciting, all in the same breath…

When the beginning is terrifying yet exciting, all in the same breath…

When the beginning is terrifying yet exciting, all in the same breath…

Ok. I am too excited to sleep. Or focus, or well… just anything right now.

I had a meeting with my career counselor today, and I have to say, that I am excited with the direction that it went.

I have a focus, I have a plan…

I am going back to the Garden Centre full throttle, and I am totally excited about that, I have made the decision that it is going to be an awesome season there this year, I will be part of that, I will be part of that optimism and teamwork. My new plan could very well keep me involved with the Garden Centre even after I have started. I know that this all sounds mysterious and secret like.

It is.

I am not telling you anything more. Except I have a plan. I am in the beginning stages of research for my new job, but it will  be amazing if I can pull it off. Or anything even close to it.

It’s funny, when I was asked what would I do for the ultimate job, I was like…hmm…well I don’t know, I have no idea, no clue…

I am 48 years old.

I have forgotten how to follow my heart. To do whatever the hell I want. To find what I love.

When does that happen to us? I know it can’t be defined in a day, or even a year, but think about it…think back to when you were small, when you used to just flail around and do whatever you wanted, when you just knew you were awesome and that you could do anything you wanted to do. Anything at all.

Remember that? Whether you are 48 or 20 years old, I know you do. Remember that feeling of conquering the world, of just living and feeling and laughing and loving. It’s good. So so good. It’s sad that in the world that we live in today, we forget how that feels, we forget how awesome we are, we forget how much more awesome we can be.

Today, I remembered that feeling.

Today I finally…after 48 years of being alive, after 30 years of working and not having any direction or focus, found it.

The light went on, the switch flipped.

Now I don’t know if I will end up on the exact path I think I will go, with me life is never that straight forward or simple.

But I have come to a peace within myself in the last few days, where I truly know what I want…and what I don’t want. I have decided that I can take any path I want…anywhere.

And no one can stop me.

The freedom I have with that knowledge is astounding. It truly is. We forget how much potential we have, living in a society where people spend all their time keeping up with the Jones’ next door. When people need more stuff, nicer cars, more money.

Now I am not one to say these don’t matter.

My truth right now is that I don’t give a shit what my neighbors think, I couldn’t care less what the Jones’ have, and I could honestly be totally happy not owning my own Castle anymore.

It seems that all the things that are supposed to be important in this life we live, aren’t for me right now. I just want happy. Everywhere.

I have no need to be rich, but being self sufficient and comfortable is totally a bonus, in the same breath, I will not sell out to that, by having to take a job I hate, I have never kept a job that has made me unhappy before, I won’t start now…loving your job is huge, it is such an amazing part of your life, it should be something that is awesome, right?

I have also found that I always get led from one job to the next…usually they just get more awesome, and fill my life in a way that can be new and exciting. That is where I am right now. I have the awesome already…but I need more. Filling in around the edges of that is what this is all about, making new connections and plans, with the dream I have.

It’s big. It’s overwhelming. But I am so excited.

Life is too short to piss around. So here I am, ready to roll…

Pretty much all I can say at this point is…

Sit down, shut up and hang on…it has worked for me up til now…and the ride is about to get faster.

So with me or not, it’s all good. As usual it is never going to be boring. It is never going to be slow, and it just needs to be fun.

I am not getting any younger, thank goodness…but I am going to remember what that feels like, the awesomeness, the flailing and the fact that you absolutely cannot hold me back. Ok, so the flailing won’t be anything new, but you get the drift right?

It’s all about to go sideways…

In a good way.

So in closing tonight, which I should probably do, I would like to say thank you to Peter at NIEFS…thanks for feeling my enthusiasm and playing along, no one gets anywhere without encouragement. I appreciate yours. The Universe really does provide, usually in ways we never expect, and I have learned in the last two weeks to use all the avenues open to you, never pass up an opportunity to learn and never be afraid to dream.

Because only you can make them come true…

Here’s to the start of that journey for me, watch me go!!

Happy Saturday everyone xoxo

3 thoughts on “When the beginning is terrifying yet exciting, all in the same breath…

  1. mjnightingale

    So happy for you!!! You GO girl! I’m too lazy…I will live precariously through you…sounds good to me!

  2. territerri

    I love how excited you are about this and it makes me SO happy for you!

    What a great reminder for all of us “old” people to remember what it felt like to picture each step forward without any boundaries or hesitation. I definitely need more of that in my world.

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