When there is no integrity…

When there is no integrity…

I never thought I would post anything about this. I thought I would be quiet, and not comment.

Because I had faith. I had hope. I wanted to believe.

That he wasn’t doing what they accused him of.

That he was telling the truth about not using performance enhancing drugs.

He was adamant…I was loyal. I waited. I watched.

Slowly my heart began to break with the knowledge.

That there is just no integrity any more.

I am still torn over how I feel about this whole thing.

I love Lance. I have looked up to him for years. I have admired him, during his battle with cancer and all he did for Livestrong…None of this lessens that impact.

What it does do, is prove that you just never know. People can put on a facade for all to see. People can be the total opposite of what they portray themselves to be.

The sadness that I feel, is that he was in a small way, my faith in humanity…he was someone, I thought, that portrayed the fact that there was indeed…gentlemen left. Real true gentlemen, who had morales, who did what he said he was going to do and had respect for the people around him.

I thought he was that guy.

I almost feel like I have broken up with someone…that I have to grieve the loss of Lance. The loss of hope. The loss of integrity.

I feel sorry for him, I am sad for him…even though he brought it on 100% himself. I still want to believe that deep down, he regrets everything. Not because it makes him look bad…but because he feels bad for what he has done to his friends and people close to him, to people that looked up to him and respected him.

I hope he forgives himself.

We are all human…we all err, sometimes in ways that seem unbelievable, and in ways that make us sad. In ways that make us want to do one more thing better every day. To make up for it, to be a better person than we were before we fell. Falling is nothing. It’s the easy part.

It’s bringing yourself back up to your expectations again. Making yourself what you know that your children need, making them something awesome to live up to.

I know that the one thing that must have ripped his heart out was telling his thirteen year old son, to stop defending him…

How heartbreaking is something like that to any of us…

And yet at the same time…how freeing. To admit that you made a mistake. Yes a huge mistake. You made it. You lived it…and now you have owned it.

Regardless of the fact it should have been sooner.

Regardless of anything.

You have a chance to turn the page. To move on. To do better next time.

We don’t need to see it. We don’t  need to even know about it.

But it wouldn’t hurt.

So try and make amends, try and win us back. I still have a wee bit of faith, and I am pretty sure that no matter what…there can be hope, just a little bit of hope…

and maybe, just maybe…you can regain some dignity. Make a difference…

restore our faith, in you…in there actually being some integrity.

15 thoughts on “When there is no integrity…

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  3. Marianne

    Never forget that for years upon years Lance denied doping. I mean heck he even came out against doping..lol

    If you really paid attention to his demeanor after being forced to come you quickly notice that he really was not sorry about anything except maybe getting caught.

    To say he’s a disappointment is only the beginning.

  4. Richard Wiseman

    I’m with the ‘Let those who have never done wrong be the first to judge those who have.’ He got caught up in something and couldn’t get out; lies are like that sometimes. He hasn’t killed anyone, he didn’t cause a war, it was just sport and there are plenty of politicians who are two faced liars and have done or sanctioned things far worse than cheating at a sport through drug taking. As for integrity it’s very expensive and the higher people go in sport, politics, acting or public life the more expensive integrity becomes; in a way Lance is just another victim of the billion dollar sports industry, which makes money on clothes and shoes manufactured by poverty wage levels in unregulated countries, bribes sports channels and regulating bodies for the sake of profit and uses and discards sports men and women like disposable toys. Everyone has integrity really, it’s just the price of keeping it is having less money and less success and so for people like Lance the temptation to forego integrity is much stronger than it is for most people. Great article; thanks for making me think about this.

  5. Bren

    Nice post Donna. I really could care less if he did or didn’t because the simple fact is, he was not the only one who did it. Personally, I think the other racers are bent because they did the deed too and Lance still beat em. Athletes all around the world do some kind of roid and they have their trainers, captains and such covering up for em. It’s when someone gets busted, is when they make an example of it.

    I’ll continue to look at him as someone who beat cancer and has made a difference with his foundation. The rest, I really don’t care. We all make mistakes. His mistake, he got caught. :(

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  7. Heidi

    Whoops! I had more!
    But I too, hope he does something to rebound. I hope he’s big enough (like I’ve always looked upon him to be) to give back to those in sport who feel the ultimate pressure. If the pressure and climate was as poisoned as he says, then he has the opportunity here to help others not fall into the same trap. That would redeem him some.

    My pet peeve comes from listening to the countless people rip him apart. Those who are oblivious to all the ‘Layers of Lance’. Those who haven’t read his story, and are clueless to his journey in life. Lance struggles to feel pain of any kind. He’s always had superhero strength and stamina. But in my heart, I know this pains him deeply. Not as an athlete or celebrity…but as a father, friend, and survivor.

    Dust yourself off Lance. Live the rest of your days with no regrets. I too have hope, that you will do something to restore my love for you.

  8. Heidi

    What a great post!! You and I share something in common, a love for Lance. After having read his books many years ago…and recommending them to countless others…I too feel like I am mourning the loss of Lance. He DID seem like the embassador to humanity, the poster boy for life, and wellness.

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