Who the hell do I think I am?

Who the hell do I think I am?

Lola

Well really…I haven’t got a clue.

What the hell right?

I haven’t had anything to say for the last day or so. My Mom commented. Obviously it’s not like me to be quiet. Duh.

Well I have had some wheels turning, at which time I do tend to not say anything until I have processed.

And I have been busy.

The head claw as I lovingly call my kitty Lola…is keeping us well entertained. The only time I can crochet or type on the computer is when she is asleep.

I have been crocheting…I made her the cutest little bed, for if she ever decides that my head is no longer the best place to sleep. She likes it, as a scratching pad. Whatever, at least she isn’t using my couch. Yet.

Toys and bed

I also made all her toys. They are the only thing that Bailey won’t steal and annihilate. They will last forever, and they are cute as hell, and super easy to make.

I have been avoiding watching hockey. It’s just depressing.

Walking, eating yummy healthy food. And signing up for school.

Oh ya… big one.

So about that.

Here’s the deal. You need to have your shit in order to get this stuff happening. Like really in order. I have finally figured out what I want to be when I grow up. That only took me my whole life to figure out. So I am proud of myself for finally making a decision.

I still want to be a spy.

No really, I do.

But I chose Technical writer. So I am going back to school taking a Communication Design course for two years. I will have a diploma when I am done and some work experience, hopefully I will start as soon as fall. I have signed up for the course and tomorrow will take in my High School transcripts…I have to get the funding lined up with Unemployment. It is a lengthy process…and I have had the thought that if for some reason I can’t get that money, I may have to sell my Mustang.

**Gasp**

I know. It is a tough call, I have said it before and bailed. But I just don’t do her justice anymore really, and I don’t see that changing anytime in the near future. We will see.

The other thing that has been up in the air, is selling The Castle. I know right? But it makes sense at this point…see my classes will be in Courtenay and Bruce’s classes will be in Campbell River…did I mention that he is going back to school too? Well he is. We may have to rent something in the middle. And I might have to get something else to drive. Anyone wanna buy a Dodge? She is a great truck…but.

As I was having a shower yesterday morning…shut up, that is where my epiphanies take place, I don’t know why. Anyways, while I was showering it occurred to me. I am nearly 50. What the flaming hell am I even thinking?

And then I remembered Bruce is older than me.

I don’t know why that made me feel better, but it did. Who the hell thought that I would be doing what I should have done right out of high school halfway through my life?

And I am terrified.

Totally 100% terrified.

There is a paragraph on the back of the Program guide from the college, it says:

You are on the brink of a wonderful adventure.

Take time to make wise decisions.

Ask lots of questions.

And don’t be afraid to take bold steps.

Funny how the Universe sends you messages to reassure you when you are at your most terrified and unsure. The thing is…I am EXCITED…like really excited. I can’t wait to get started. To make the change, to go way way wayyyyy out of my comfort zone and find something new.

I wish I had it together enough to retire early and live a life of leisure, but I just can’t see that happening, I will be working for a long long time, and I may as well do something that I love, and  can make decent money doing…pretty much anywhere we decide to go.

It may end up being away from here. I am ok with that. I have no strings to tie, other than the kids all live here, but they will all be on with their lives, and probably end up on the mainland at some point anyway.

So the World is ours to do with as we please.

I have never really felt that power before, that I can do whatever I want. That I can actually change my life for the better. That I do have the drive, and now the motivation to make those changes.

I do. I really really do. I have dreams and plans, and though it is halfway through this crazy life, it’s good. We all need to dream, we all need to learn, we all need to know, that we are the change we have been waiting for.

It’s scary, and exciting and makes me have mini panic attacks and even a giggle fit or two…

And it’s good. It has changed my outlook on every single little thing, it really has.

So that is what has been keeping me quiet. Now I have spilled it. You know it all.

Oh and in two weekends we are going home, to celebrate the parental units 50th Wedding anniversary…holy crap eh? That is a long freaking time, and I can’t wait to see everyone, there will be wee prince hugs coming on. Whether he knows it or not :)

And then, we are back to work!!! I can’t wait to get started back again, this year is going to be fabulous baby!!!

Happy hump day lovers…

2 thoughts on “Who the hell do I think I am?

%d bloggers like this: