The Redneck Princess

So you wanna go to Mars?

So you wanna go to Mars?

Seriously? Are you people smoking crack on your coffee breaks?

Have you seen Mars? Are you really paying attention when they are showing you the brochure?

Because dude. It’s dirt there. Not a tree in sight. And oceans. Nothing. Not one. It’s a big sandy beach alright…it’s just missing the fun part.

And you can’t come back. You read that part of the agreement right? It’s a one way trip.

That in itself makes you wonder…what the hell?

At least it should.

Are there rules about who can go…or is it just going to be a bunch of crazy people with one way tickets? You should really look into that, just to be sure.

I just don’t understand how you think its going to work, how it’s going to be a good idea.

I am not sure that you have thought this thing through.

Where are the flowers? Where is the kale? Where is anything green?

There is permafrost and volcanos and catastrophic floods…it doesn’t seem like the friendliest of environments if you ask me.

I am pretty sure that I don’t even actually want to go there, nevermind go there forever with no come home free card.

It’s not something you should say you are signing up for on National TV unless you are sure.

We can hear you. We think you are pretty much insane…and we can hear you.

Someone will probably hold you to it.

It’s not a chess game. It’s Mars. And you are not coming back.

You get that part right?

On the upside at least there are no forests to clear cut, no lakes to pollute and no oil to spill…though the next thought would maybe be, what are you going to drink?

Is there an endless Vodka supply that they are keeping secret?

I am pretty sure there isn’t much moisture unless it is a catastrophic flood day. But I could be wrong. It’s been known to happen.

Oh and the other thing that I just don’t see working…

THERE IS NO AIR!!! How the hell is that going to be okay? So not only is it a barren desert outside, but you can’t GO outside, because you can’t freaking breathe out there.

I mean think about this, there is no life there for a reason.

So all I have to say to all you Mars wannabe travelers…is fill your spacesuits. We will hold down the fort here on our already beat up old Earth.

We will enjoy the weather, the trees, the oceans, the air…we can send you pictures. I am sure you will have email there, you’ve thought of that right?

I hope you have it all figured out, because you can’t come home again, you can’t come back.

And I am pretty sure, you are gonna miss this when you are gone…

Mountains

But like I said…I could be wrong. It’s Wednesday night and I am a little tired. You know from selling flowers and gardening and stuff…stuff you won’t be doing outside on Mars.

Happy Thursday space travelers xoxo