I did it!! I graduated, again.
It felt weird. I felt out of place. I confirmed the fact that no matter what the occasion is, I should never ever, ever have to wear a hat for any reason ever again.
I also had my own page in the Program of Events. No lie.
That is because all my sista-friends in school are taking the two year program, and I…am not.
It’s funny how you anticipate the things that are to come in life, thinking they will be something that will change you, make you feel different. And those anticipated things, are never the things that do that.
I tried to be in the moment as much as I could at my grad, but I just really wanted to be nearly anywhere else, with no polyester and hat, out of the dark room full of people graduating that were 80% younger than me. I think I came to understand, that the recognition of a job well done, doesn’t really matter to me anymore. I know how hard I worked and how much I deserved the grades I got, that is really the only thing that matters. The learning.
One thing that the Presence Process taught me, was that you have to embrace your inner little girl. Yesterday made me feel like that little girl again. I felt like the black sheep…I am not sure why I have always felt that way, but I do. Yesterday I faced that feeling, and hugged the little girl inside, the one that felt so lost and out of place in a sea of people, who mostly knew each other, but none of whom knew me.
I sat and just watched, I felt some pride in knowing I had done my best and was thankful for the recognition of graduating. I just knew that I didn’t fit in anywhere. Well…no where that you can define.
And that’s okay.
I also learned that people have become disrespectful of others in unbelievable ways. Children at functions like a grad, should probably be banned. And if you are one of those people that let your kids go to events like that and scream, yell, run around and basically behave like a fucking banshee, take note here, because it is YOUR children and only your children that make me say things like that. We would have got beaten senseless for behaving like that at home never mind in public. What is wrong with our parenting skills here people, respect. It’s not a hard concept, right?
And making your brat kids sit in the car, was indeed an option, it was cloudy and windy outside. They would have been fine.
So now it’s back to reality. Work, and yard work…with not much change. I hope in the winter that I will be able to make use of my learning a little more than I am right now. It just doesn’t feel like there is enough time in a day to focus on one specific thing. And I am looking forward to taking one more course in the fall, I wouldn’t want Mr. Niscak get off the hook with only dealing with me for 8 months, I still have some payback from PHP. The difference with this time, is that it doesn’t mean the end if I don’t get it. There is no pressure and I am just taking the course to learn more, for me. Not for the recognition of passing. And it’s one course, I can kill this, for sure.
And my bestie Colleen and I are pretty good at taking on the world together at this point, so there will be no stopping us, and hopefully not much crying. The course covers WordPress and other CMS stuff, whatever that entails. I am pretty confident about the WordPress thing as I have used it for about 5 years now, and I look forward to being able to totally understand the ins and outs of how to work it from the backside.
So in as much as I am proud to be done school…it’s not really over. Just different. Like me.
I am totally embracing that and everything that comes with it.
Happy Summer everyone!