I am not.
It takes some serious effort for me every single day to feel like a girl.
It has always been that way for me, when I was little…I got mistaken for a boy a lot. Mostly because I acted like one I suppose. And I never really grew out of that until I was what feels like to me about three years ago.
I am a tomboy, yes. But not in the sense that I want to look like a boy, or indeed ever be mistaken for being one. I have just always wanted to do what I wanted to do no matter that I was a girl.
So here is pretty much where my sense of fashion slams into the wall and knocks itself unconscious. I try, I really do. But more often than not in this life my sense of style has fallen short of what I want to look like in my head.
This brings me to the story of my latest girl crush…
I should just out myself right now and tell you all that I do indeed get crushes on girls. It happens…I have been in love with Erin Cebula for years, google her, you will understand why.
My girl crushes are always based on different things. With Erin, I just love everything. She was my first and is still my favorite.
But I digress once again. My newest girl crush surprised even me. I don’t know what is going on with me right now but I am making some not-like-me-at-all decisions.
She is from Cortez Island, and I totally adore every single thing about her style. She never wears a stitch of makeup, she is weathered and tanned from working out in her garden, wears amazing jewelry and rolled up jeans and is absolutely who I want to be as I grow up. I find it hard to describe the style that she has, but let’s just call it fabulous.
And she made me buy Birkenstocks…
One change I have made in my old life, is that I don’t buy cheap shit anymore. I don’t have a lot of money, but I also don’t spend it frivolously. So when I do buy something, I am going to buy something that will last, that will be timeless and that will make me feel like I have my fashion shit all together .
I have Birkenstocks…I promise to never ever wear them with socks.
I am trying to find my sense of self, the part of me that is funky, hippie, grunge and a little bit country…all in one. Without seeming to be insane. I don’t know how to be all the things I feel at once and it’s taking some working out.
I just seem to have an urge to really figure out who I am. To find my style, my place in the world…my happy spot.
Some days this goes pretty damn good, other days not so much…but I am learning and growing, and damn it…I now own 4 pairs of really good shoes. That is pretty good for a girl who would just rather run around barefoot, like the 4 year old inside me wants to do.
Maybe there is something to this growing up thing after all…